Where's my easy button???

I'm back inside this magical little box that makes me want to write something even though I have not been stimulated outside of this box to run here and pound out something spurred by sheer misery or happiness. Things have just been lulling along down here, slow but sure. Summer .... the serious kind that makes you melt like a Snicker bar left in a car with its windows rolled up and parked on black asphalt in the direct path of the sun, is almost upon us.

With summer comes one of the banes of my existence .... mowing the lawn. I could hire this task out, but I am anti indiscriminate man mowing. Don't get me wrong, you men are extra willing to help with the lawn mowing, and I love that about you. Whatever you lack in mowing discernment, you almost make up for with enthusiasm. Almost. However, I had an ex boyfriend once who couldn't tell the difference between my bed of perennial fern and the lawn, and I loved that bed of perennial fern more than I would ever close in on loving him. Good for him (and my sense of appreciation for his good intention), that bed of fern was perennial. I also had a former fiancé who believed that if we cut the grass uber short that we wouldn't have to mow nearly as often. I could not convince him that scalping the lawn encourages weeds, so I had to ban him from mowing. I am now all about mowing my own lawn. Good thing I guess, since I no longer have a boyfriend or a fiancé.

After cutting the lawn for the second time this season, I noticed that the grass blades were all jagged and brown looking. About the same time, I was watching Walter Reeves http://www.yoursoutherngarden.com/ on public television and he was explaining the importance of sharpening your mower's blade an average of three times during the cutting season. He gave three reasons why, but I only caught two and will guess at the third. The two I heard were: (1) Your grass uses more water trying to repair the injuries caused by tearing the grass with your mower instead of neatly cutting the grass. (2) The injured grass opens up possibilities for disease. I'm thinking number (3) is that your grass will look bad like mine now does if you don't keep that blade sharpened.

You must know that I practically worship Walter Reeves and his gardening advice. However, there is no need to break even one bead of sweat over my near idolization of a mere mortal. I adore him, but if he flipped out and suggested we all go to Guyana and drink pink kool aid, I wouldn't go with. I'm simply going to sharpen my mower blade at least twice during the growing season, follow whatever other useful tips he points out on his gardening show, and continue to religiously watch his show.

With my most dutiful intention, and hopeful expectation, I thought my dad would willingly jump on this blade sharpening task. He is always sharpening one knife blade or the other. However, it turns out my dad was busy and didn't want to be bothered with this task. Needing desperately to mow the lawn, I thought to myself, no biggie, I can do this myself. After all, Walter Reeves made sharpening a lawn mower blade look as easy as brushing teeth. So, I got busy googling A to Z instructions on this process. Great! I found a very detailed E-how video guy that made the process look just as easy as Walter Reeves did.

I began to assemble the required tools. Leather glove (check!) Rubber mallet (check!) Short piece of 2 x 4 (ummm no, but I found a 1 x 4). Combination wrench (umm no, I only have a wrench and socket set). W-D 40 (check!). Spark plug remover (ummm nope -- my wrench and socket set doesn't have the size that my mower plug requires!)

Since I could not remove the spark plug, I called my brother to ask why the spark plug first had to come out just to take off the mower blade. He explained that if the mower blade was effectively turned during the removal process, that the connected plug could possibly allow the mower to start and cut my hand off. YIKES!!! That was a good enough reason for me. He then told me that I could simply take the plug's black cap off, making absolute certain that it did not make contact with the plug and go forward with the blade removal.

Cool, back on track to ..... NO progress! I tried to hold the wrench like the guy on E-how showed me and gently beat the bolt which was holding the blade onto the mower.  Ummm, yeah, right ... that bolt wasn't budging. After cursing, sweating and becoming completely and sorely aware of my lack of manly ability, I got myself together and called my brother back. He came right over, and made taking the blade off the mower look as easy as brushing teeth. Men seem to come equipped with an easy button.

All I want to know is ....

WHERE THE HELL IS MY EASY BUTTON?

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