Needed -- witch doctor

It's Sunday morning, 5:23 a.m., and I have been up for nearly an hour already.  Apparently, my grass is in fear of its life.  I say that because it was the only thing knocking FURIOUSLY on the door of my subconcious.  Bang bang on the door baby!  Knocking loud enough on sleep's door to wake me up ... with a feeling of persistent worry for it.  I'm no grass guru or fanatic about it, beyond liking it a little shaggy so as to keep weeds at bay.  However, prior to this problem, I was suckered into thinking that I may have been a grass guru, because for all the years that my grass and I have been hanging out together, it has never given me a serious problem.  To my dismay, when I got home from Tennessee, I noticed a few patches that looked like they were dying.  This caused HIGH ALARM and I wanted to rally the troops!!!!  After the initial adrenaline rush of panic, I realized I didn't have any lawn troops, and that I was (and am) truly clueless about what could have caused this die back.  I can usually tell when the grass needs watering, but most of the lawn looks fine, with only a few patches looking stressed ... well I guess stressed is an understatement.  It, along with my peace of mind, passed from stressed to dead within a week.  I hate being clueless about ANYTHING, and I mean anything.  I want to understand String Theory, if that tells you to what degree I'm speaking of when I say "anything. " While I remain fascinated by String Theory, I can't honestly discuss it with you in any semblance of true understanding.  Let the true worry begin, because I find myself equally clueless about grass.  I keep assuring myself that if my grass kicks the bucket, then I will just plant a vegetable garden in the front yard.  But, that's my "get on board with life's uncertainties" bullshit talking.  I would love to be all Buddha about this, but all I really want is to call a GRASS DOCTOR ... and I don't care if its a doctor who practices VOODOO, WICCAN OR STANDARD methods, I just want my grass healed.  My grass, like your dog, welcomes me home after work and I take great pleasure in it being happy.  I also take great pleasure in being able to sleep.  That's hard to do, when my grass is screaming for its life.  Since I no longer believe my city has a knowledgable grass doctor, I am here trying to problem solve ... a task I normally try to avoid.  Step one, I googled ... step two, I'm blogging while waiting for Lowe's or Home Depot to open so I can buy a fungicide.  If it's not a fungus, step two is to decide if I am underwatering it.  My initial suspicion is that it may be getting too much water because of those damned thirsty shrubs ... crap I hate stabbing in the dark.  What time does the sun normally rise? 

After I do what I can about the grass this morning, I am going back to the park down the street down from me to hunt for treasure.  I'm not even kidding about that.  Our local paper has been sponsoring a local treasure hunt.  They hide $1,000 in a blue box somewhere in the area and leave "X marks the spot" clues about its location in the paper each week.  This month that elusive blue box is in the park at the end of my street.  And, since I normally collect neighborhood litter every other Sunday morning, I will try to tackle these two tasks at the same time.  I suck at grass doctoring, but I'm a professional multi-tasker, and I think litter collection and treasure hunting are nearly the same thing.  Besides, who couldn't use an extra (free) thousand bucks to buy a case of fungicide, hire a voodoo doctor or pay for the fence needed to keep kindly neighbor from mowing part of your (or my) grass so low you can see dirt?  You know how I hate seeing dirt and the dark before the sun rises.


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I'm in love ...

I'm in love with the latest man in my life ... my potential landscaper Jarrod.

I just love a man who knows what the hell he is talking about and sees your vision. I loved it when Jarrod said, "No, you aren't telling me too much, I love when people have a clear vision of what they want." I loved it that he seemed excited about taking on the task of turning my vision into a reality. I loved that Jarrod identified the banes of my yard existence merely by taking stock of his surroundings. He also knew the proper name of my weed from hell! That's always a good sign! I loved that Jarrod was articulate, friendly, laid back, and that when he was running five minutes late, he called to let me know he would be running five minutes late. I love a man who keeps his word!!!!!!!

None of that means I "want him" in the sense of "wanting him." I just loved all the things about him as my potential landscaper, and I am excited about seeing him next week because I cannot wait to see what ideas he brings to the picnic table :)


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