It's Sunday morning, 5:23 a.m., and I have been up for nearly an hour already. Apparently, my grass is in fear of its life. I say that because it was the only thing knocking FURIOUSLY on the door of my subconcious. Bang bang on the door baby! Knocking loud enough on sleep's door to wake me up ... with a feeling of persistent worry for it. I'm no grass guru or fanatic about it, beyond liking it a little shaggy so as to keep weeds at bay. However, prior to this problem, I was suckered into thinking that I may have been a grass guru, because for all the years that my grass and I have been hanging out together, it has never given me a serious problem. To my dismay, when I got home from Tennessee, I noticed a few patches that looked like they were dying. This caused HIGH ALARM and I wanted to rally the troops!!!! After the initial adrenaline rush of panic, I realized I didn't have any lawn troops, and that I was (and am) truly clueless about what could have caused this die back. I can usually tell when the grass needs watering, but most of the lawn looks fine, with only a few patches looking stressed ... well I guess stressed is an understatement. It, along with my peace of mind, passed from stressed to dead within a week. I hate being clueless about ANYTHING, and I mean anything. I want to understand String Theory, if that tells you to what degree I'm speaking of when I say "anything. " While I remain fascinated by String Theory, I can't honestly discuss it with you in any semblance of true understanding. Let the true worry begin, because I find myself equally clueless about grass. I keep assuring myself that if my grass kicks the bucket, then I will just plant a vegetable garden in the front yard. But, that's my "get on board with life's uncertainties" bullshit talking. I would love to be all Buddha about this, but all I really want is to call a GRASS DOCTOR ... and I don't care if its a doctor who practices VOODOO, WICCAN OR STANDARD methods, I just want my grass healed. My grass, like your dog, welcomes me home after work and I take great pleasure in it being happy. I also take great pleasure in being able to sleep. That's hard to do, when my grass is screaming for its life. Since I no longer believe my city has a knowledgable grass doctor, I am here trying to problem solve ... a task I normally try to avoid. Step one, I googled ... step two, I'm blogging while waiting for Lowe's or Home Depot to open so I can buy a fungicide. If it's not a fungus, step two is to decide if I am underwatering it. My initial suspicion is that it may be getting too much water because of those damned thirsty shrubs ... crap I hate stabbing in the dark. What time does the sun normally rise?
After I do what I can about the grass this morning, I am going back to the park down the street down from me to hunt for treasure. I'm not even kidding about that. Our local paper has been sponsoring a local treasure hunt. They hide $1,000 in a blue box somewhere in the area and leave "X marks the spot" clues about its location in the paper each week. This month that elusive blue box is in the park at the end of my street. And, since I normally collect neighborhood litter every other Sunday morning, I will try to tackle these two tasks at the same time. I suck at grass doctoring, but I'm a professional multi-tasker, and I think litter collection and treasure hunting are nearly the same thing. Besides, who couldn't use an extra (free) thousand bucks to buy a case of fungicide, hire a voodoo doctor or pay for the fence needed to keep kindly neighbor from mowing part of your (or my) grass so low you can see dirt? You know how I hate seeing dirt and the dark before the sun rises.
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It doesn't help your grass - unless maybe that Super Collider in France is causing the "stress"... but did you know there is a superstringtheory.com website that (attempts to) explain those strings?
ReplyDelete"If string theory is to be a theory of quantum gravity, then the average size of a string should be somewhere near the length scale of quantum gravity, called the Planck length, which is about 10^-33 centimeters, or about a millionth of a billionth of a billionth of a billionth of a centimeter."
Thats like, less than an inch even.
@ IG -- nope, I didn't know about that website, but I do now thanks to you. I will check that out later today, after I'm finished fretting over my grass.
ReplyDeleteI use to have a love affair with grass, too. And I slept quite well after filling up on munchies, listening to loud music and having mind blowing sex, but, alas, I read further and you were talking about your yard. But thanks for helping me bring up the memories.
ReplyDeleteAnd I Googled String Theory and found some cool stuff. But I need to prepare myself for that kind of reading. Now where is that pipe??
@CP -- I hope you never gave up the mind blowing sex, munchies and loud music ... those things in moderation are good for the soul ;) Well, no moderation needed with that minding blowing SAFE sex, just the munchies and the loud music. Those two have been known to do a little damage. Oh, and you won't need the pipe to read about String Theory, it's mind blowing on its own.
ReplyDeleteThanks, but I have had to cut back on the mind blowing sex. It seems my arm gives out sooner now.
ReplyDelete