All I ever wanted

The only way to reach Shangrila is to escape survival's grasp.  Doesn't everyone know?  The fountainhead of laughter hides behind the watershed where an infinite stream of tears intersects with humanity's ocean.  I, ever the pessimist, doubted its existence, but have now come to the end of my resistance. 

I'm letting go of the olive branch, so that I can be carried upstream on the tail of Goliath's salmon.  I'm leaving behind my soul's crevasse and its cold cold echo, always screaming for proof -- Prove that you matter, Prove that you matter, Prove that you matter!   I, in an abysss of doubt, can prove nothing.  Weary from seeking letters of recommendation from characters who are too busy seeking character witnesses of their own, I can no longer throw down the gauntlet.  Where can I hide from my soul's incessant persecution?   Only behind the watershed above the crosswaters.

All I ever wanted was a life full of laughter ... but someone or something has stilled its flow.  I can still hear you calling for me, but I can no longer answer you.  Can you hear my lingering breath taking on the rushing water through gasping gills?  Say that you could, even when I'm too distant to hear you.  My soul needs proof that I mattered.