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Have any of you ever experienced a mid life crisis? No? Well, I'm here to tell you that it can be a lengthy process. What I can't tell you, is if it ever ends. I have my doubts. Serious doubts. I keep hoping that I'm at least over the hump, but today felt like day one again.
I keep wondering, why me? I was mostly obedient to life. I did my fair share of the things that life sends its mere mortals on the path to do. At least the ones that suited me. It was when I crossed my "last" big hurdle, that it hit me. I was happily resting on my laurels, when ... KAPOW! The sneaky bastard tripped me, and while I was down, it put its foot on my throat, nearly squeezing the life out of me. For all of you shiny brights out there, I hope mid life never finds your weak spot.
Don't make the same mistake that I did. If you never find someone that you can see yourself with for the rest of your life, and if you never have children, and you complete most of your goals, don't let any time pass before you find a new goal. A new purpose. A new life. Because, I am here to tell you, that no matter how much you try to tell the mid life crisis that you are fine just the way you are, it won't let you have a moment of peace. It cannot abide in mediocrity. If it never achieves its full potential, it will torment you all of the days of your life. You will have a tiger by its tail, and unless you are a tiger tamer, or have a tranquilizer gun, you are in for a nasty fight.
If you have tangled with the tiger and lived to tell about it, I could use a mentor.
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Showing posts with label Midlife Crisis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Midlife Crisis. Show all posts
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Sunday, September 26, 2010
GO BIG, OR GO HOME.
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It's Sunday evening, after a very lowkey day. Earlier, I watched a documentary on public television about a senior chorus called Forever Young. The documentary was compelling, because I love almost anything to do with human relationships. I loved their interaction and their stories.
Can I out myself and tell you, that as I watched those elders living their lives and singing their hearts out to sincerely moved and appreciative audiences, I shed tears? The stirring emotions? Heaps of admiration for their tenacious spirit, and sadness over the loss of two of their fellow chorus members who succumbed to different illnesses.
You know, it isn't always easy coming to terms with the fact that one day we will ALL find ourselves facing our own mortality. The reminder was sobering, because it made me question what I am doing with my life. Not that this question is a new one for me. I ask myself that at least once a week, but I never come up with a satisfactory answer.
In comparison to the chorus members, who ranged from 70 something to 90 something, I feel like a spring chicken. I also feel that I owe it to those who are no longer able to pursue their dreams and goals, to live my ONE life to its fullest. But, I struggle to find the path of fullness. I struggle to find the path of greatness.
What is your answer when someone asks you, "If you knew you had only one day to live, what would you do?" or "What would you regret not doing if you were on your deathbed?" I never have any other answer than to spend time in the company of my family. Since I regularly spend time with my family, I feel like I am shortchanging myself on expectations. I have looked at all sorts of "bucket" lists, and I gotta tell you, there aren't any experiences on those that I would regret not doing, or have a burning desire to do. This ongoing dilemma, feeling like I should have a bucket list and not having a bucket list, is otherwise self labeled as my mid-life crisis, which I have been experiencing almost ten years now. In that ten year period, I have gone back to school, payed off all my debt (including mortgage), been in and out of some short term relationships, fell deeply in forever crazy love, turned down the possibility of marriage to that crazy love (stop looking at me like that, I'm not calling YOU
crazy, just the love), and put one foot in front of the other.
Now, I sit here writing, after having painted my toenails a color called "Starlet." If you ask me, Starlet could use a little more oomph, sorta like my life. Oh well, it's rosy enough for the time being. Sadly, painting my toenails is my biggest accomplishment today. How freaking irresponsible is that? I know that I OWE my life more than that. I feel so free, yet so trapped in mediocrity of my own making.
Can any of us LIVE our LIVES fully enough?
House Rules: Any and all passersby, stalkers and the like, can post comments under "lurker comments." They will be screened for hexes, spells, foils, curses, foul smells and cooties before posting.
It's Sunday evening, after a very lowkey day. Earlier, I watched a documentary on public television about a senior chorus called Forever Young. The documentary was compelling, because I love almost anything to do with human relationships. I loved their interaction and their stories.
Can I out myself and tell you, that as I watched those elders living their lives and singing their hearts out to sincerely moved and appreciative audiences, I shed tears? The stirring emotions? Heaps of admiration for their tenacious spirit, and sadness over the loss of two of their fellow chorus members who succumbed to different illnesses.
You know, it isn't always easy coming to terms with the fact that one day we will ALL find ourselves facing our own mortality. The reminder was sobering, because it made me question what I am doing with my life. Not that this question is a new one for me. I ask myself that at least once a week, but I never come up with a satisfactory answer.
In comparison to the chorus members, who ranged from 70 something to 90 something, I feel like a spring chicken. I also feel that I owe it to those who are no longer able to pursue their dreams and goals, to live my ONE life to its fullest. But, I struggle to find the path of fullness. I struggle to find the path of greatness.
What is your answer when someone asks you, "If you knew you had only one day to live, what would you do?" or "What would you regret not doing if you were on your deathbed?" I never have any other answer than to spend time in the company of my family. Since I regularly spend time with my family, I feel like I am shortchanging myself on expectations. I have looked at all sorts of "bucket" lists, and I gotta tell you, there aren't any experiences on those that I would regret not doing, or have a burning desire to do. This ongoing dilemma, feeling like I should have a bucket list and not having a bucket list, is otherwise self labeled as my mid-life crisis, which I have been experiencing almost ten years now. In that ten year period, I have gone back to school, payed off all my debt (including mortgage), been in and out of some short term relationships, fell deeply in forever crazy love, turned down the possibility of marriage to that crazy love (stop looking at me like that, I'm not calling YOU
crazy, just the love), and put one foot in front of the other.
Now, I sit here writing, after having painted my toenails a color called "Starlet." If you ask me, Starlet could use a little more oomph, sorta like my life. Oh well, it's rosy enough for the time being. Sadly, painting my toenails is my biggest accomplishment today. How freaking irresponsible is that? I know that I OWE my life more than that. I feel so free, yet so trapped in mediocrity of my own making.
Can any of us LIVE our LIVES fully enough?
House Rules: Any and all passersby, stalkers and the like, can post comments under "lurker comments." They will be screened for hexes, spells, foils, curses, foul smells and cooties before posting.
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