Stop running with those scissors! But it's an emergency!

Is this {ego} big enough?

How 'bout this {EGO}?

What about this super sized {EGO}?

Has anyone come along lately and asked you if you wanted to supersize your ego?  I think mine, being dismayed by its three letter capacity, came down with a Napoleon complex and ordered an ego pump, Viagra or growth hormones behind my back.  Hell, I don't know how an ego grows without your permission, but I know that it has.  I would never have permitted such a purchase or complimentary gift, but I wasn't aware that it was trying to increase its size and subsequently its power.


All I know is, the bigger it gets, the needier it becomes.  And, I don't do needy, not even from myself.  I knew I was weary, but I didn't realize it was because I was as busy trying to feed my ego as a mama or a papa bird is when spring feeding their baby chick screaming from its nest for some plump and juicy worms.


Over the weekend, I finished the book eat pray love (by Elizabeth Gilbert) and started a new book, well not a new book, just a different book.  This book by Zig Ziglar, which is old school, most recently celebrated it's 25th anniversary with an updated edition in 2000.  It's title, See You At The Top. While reading the self esteem portion of this book, I had an epiphany that I was over-esteemed, not under-esteemed.  Which may be good to a degree, but I realized that I also have some questionable qualities that can be solely attributed to my insatiable ego, which in serious retrospect, could be trying to increase its size due to past hurt, betrayal and neglect.  Basically, my ego has been fronting and I have given its trippin' a lot of thought.  I sought out some information on how to lessen my ego, and one of the things that I thought may help, is for me to practice a bit of Lent in July (and August).  No, I'm not Catholic, but I can borrow a concept can't I?


Buh Bye ... Facebook.  Buh Bye ... Pookie.  Buh Bye ... verbal rants and raves.  Buh Bye ... you attention seeking slut.  Buh Bye ... EGO.    See you after I cut you down to a respectable size!

There is NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING about Elizabeth Gilbert (at least what I know of her), which I do not love, including her talk on TED, which won a place among viewer favorites.  I'm sharing her divineness here with you!  Find 20 minutes ... she's a born writer, story teller and speaker.  





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Do you want your mouth washed out with soap?

Thankfully, I never heard this question when I was growing up. I knew better than to curse, let alone curse in front of my parents. In fact, I cannot remember ever cursing before I was grown. And when I say cursing, I mean using profanity. It seems of minor importance to make the distinction between cursing and profanity, but I wanted to, in case anyone thinks I am talking about voodoo, witchcraft or the like. Shamefully, since being grown, I have used profanity which may not make every sailor blush, but could possibly turn a few of their complexions a few shades paler or increase the blood flow to their weathered faces. Even worse, I have cursed someone, and at the time, I meant every word of that curse. Put your eyebrows back down, I wasn't practicing any dark magic, and I didn't curse them to hell. I simply cursed them to a lifetime of thinking of me! Maybe not the most pleasant thing in the world, but certainly not a death sentence.

I was reading a few of my favorite bloggers last night, and I noticed that a few of my favorites turn up the word heat fairly frequently. Their use of the profane or more "colorful" language never causes my eyebrows to raise. In fact, I can't seem to bring myself to restrain myself from voicing profanity when I'm mad, or when I stub my toe. Which brings me to what slightly self intrigues me. While I can't seem to restrain my use of verbal profanity, I find it practically impossible to allow my fingers to type a dirty word here or anywhere else in writing. And, I have to say I am somewhat perplexed by my self censure. Because, I have two opinions about using profanity. The first opinion is one which my surrounding society has invoked into my thought process -- said opinion being that profanity is lazy on the intellect and its use is in bad taste. Which of course isn't so, it's just someone's way of getting others not to cuss. My other opinion which is self grown, tells my intellect that words are only innocent letters made into words which are in turn innocent as they stand, and that it is only the intent behind the word which has any weight to it. If I say damn or hell or any other word which is considered profane in my culture, yet I say it without malice, I consider doing so a small offense (or no offense at all if the company does not mind it). However, if I or someone else uses more everyday and non culpable words to maliciously malign someone, then I deem the offense as hateful or unjust. My latter opinion usually overrules my former. So, I'm uncertain why I self govern my use of profanity in the written word. Just know that if I ever do, then I must be really mad or someone has hacked my space!


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The reading of the week

I'm reading "Get Motivated" by Tamara Lowe. So far, I have been "diagnosed" as having a motivational DNA type of "CSI: The Supporter"

The book tells me that:

"Supporters are practical, dependable, and loyal. They are both people-oriented and detail-oriented. Supporters are natural supervisors. They thrive on helping others excel in their positions and will fight for the underdog. Methodical in their work, they like to have the facts before they act. They respect authority and organizational structure. Caring and careful with people and projects, Supports are skillful at implementing procedures. They possess a strong work ethic. Having a clearly defined goal to work toward is important to them, and they follow through on objectives with conscientiousness. Psychological pay is of primary importance to them. They need to feel good about what they are doing and sense that their work makes a positive contribution.

CSI Motivators: Facts and information, peer respect, sincere appreciation, private recognition, specific positive feedback, an inspiring work environment, coworkers they enjoy, clearly defined objectives, a sense of accomplishment, and time to reflect and plan.

CSI De-Motivators: Hype and hyperbole, infringement on personal or family time, perceived inequity, and demands for rapid change.

Quick-Start Tips for Achieving Your Goals

1. Your motivational type can become discouraged by huge goals. For that reason, make sure that your aspirations are realistic. Set manageable goals that can be achieved in a reasonable time frame.

2. Be gentle with yourself. Don't expect perfection. Slow and steady progress should be your expectation.

3. Involve others. Make a list of the people, organizations, and resources that will assist you in a achieving your goal. Supporters excel when they are working toward an individual and team goal with others who are equally committed to achievement."

If you want to take the quick quiz to test your motivational DNA type, go to www.GetMotivatedBook.com and it will automatically calculate your test results.


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No nonsense

Scorpio - Nov. 2, 2009

"Your idea of what life is, dear Scorpio, is going through a radical change. None of the "givens" that you have always taken for granted apply anymore. Rather than grieving the change, grow from it. So don't drag your feet! Stand up, and move ahead. This is no time for vacation. You have some rebuilding to do!"

I wanted to save today's horoscope because I could not have thought it better myself.

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Eureka!

I think the reasoning behind a certain part of my personality has finally shown itself in the light of realization albeit not the brightest light of realization. I think my unwillingness to ask for favor, help, information, etc. can be traced to my childhood. My parents struggled financially while struggling to come to terms with each other and adulthood. Some of my most vivid memories of childhood thoughts are .... "don't ask, because you don't want to make them feel bad if they have to say no." This relation to my past may seem simple to you as I present it so simply here, but all my life, I have never wanted to "bother" people by asking for anything. I was always determined to make my own way, my own money, my own happiness, etc. And, for the most part, I have done just that. But of course, I'm not so dimwitted as to imagine that I could get through this thing called life without some help. In the back of my mind though is always the analytical nature of asking. Will I be asking too much of someone? Will I be asking for more than they can give? Will I be asking for more than they can do? Will I be asking for more than they can be?

One fine but minor example of how that affects my daily life is this:

Last night, I was at a local drugstore, and there was an item on display that I thought may be on sale, and I use this item regularly, so if it was on sale, it would be a good time for me to stock up. Usual confident me, began the internal dialog. "Will I be bothering the clerk if I ask whether or not this item is on sale? Will she be annoyed with me because she has other people to wait on? What other way can I find this knowledge for myself? Is it posted on a banner somewhere, I wonder if they have a sales ad." You get the picture. My internal dialog went on past my initial transaction. Luckily I had time enough to talk my self out of this silliness because I was with a friend and she was checking out behind me. After she did, I had come to my senses and asked the innocuous question, "Is that item on sale?" The clerk's cheerful reply, "Yes it is, and it is a really good sale!" Great! I stocked up!

So goes my nature and therefore my life. Sometimes silly, sometimes basically considerate, sometimes very thoughtful, sometimes self annoying internal dialogs happening throughout my day. Thankfully they usually happen quickly, decisively and if not always accurately, at least thoughtfully. So, I have an issue or two or three or four to work on, just call me human.