Just here

I was just here reading other friends posts and thought I would recap the weekend.

I got out of bed this morning and wondered why. I stayed awake and wondered why. I try not to dwell in the moody side of life, but while I struggle to find my way through the moody side of life, it would be nice to have someone to talk with about what I'm feeling without bringing them down. When I do share what I'm feeling, and I sense the other person isn't in that moody place in life, I feel guilty for even mentioning my pain or I try to minimize the depth of what I'm really feeling. Besides, I can sometimes end up feeling worse because I really need to feel heard, and I really need to feel a sense of compassion. However, I've rarely had anyone meet those needs other than the most unlikely of sources. We hope our friends and family will sense the intensity of our pain and reassure us that things will be okay, and that they will always be there if we ever need to talk or need a bit of company. But, just because they are our friends and families, that doesn't mean they always possess the most intuitive of skills.

Turn signal ...

Today, I sorted some papers. They are now individually piled and laying in a semi circle in the middle of the hallway. Maybe tomorrow, I will actually put them in their folders. I also shredded months of IM conversations between former romantic interest (Mark) and me. I made a trip to the grocery store. While riding through the neighborhood, I noticed a stop sign was turned the wrong way. I made a mental note to call the city to correct this problem. I did, hope they did.

Yesterday, I completed the yearly pine straw raking process and attempted to take on a supposedly minor leaky faucet repair. Within an hour, I was calling my brother for help. He came and together, we cured one leak and created another. We made no less than three separate trips to Lowe's and one trip to Home Depot looking for parts we thought might cure the problem. After hours (poor brother -- and his antsy wife waiting for him at home), we were unable to cure the leak. So, I have to make another trip ... not to Lowe's or Home Depot (for the English reader -- Lowe's and Home Depot are stores where Americans purchase home improvement products -- from nails to washing machines), but to a local specialty plumbing store such as Winnelson or E & E, to see if they have the parts that I may possibly need, but don't know for sure will cure the problem. It may turn out that calling the plumber was the better bargain.


P.S. There must be something magical about making a list. Because, no amount of loneliness or discouragement kept me from completing or at least attempting all of the tasks I posted about yesterday. Soup frozen (and shared with parents), clothes washed, back yard raked and all three piles of pine straw removed and re-purposed, alley side of fence mowed, and leaky faucet at least tackled. Not bad for someone suffering from a form of melancholy.

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