Splish splash I was taking a bath ...

I was in the shower this morning standing under a glorious stream of hot and steamy water which daily welcomes me back among the land of the living. And, I was THINKING, as the water rushed over me, THINKING, not singing as some of you nightingales likely do in the shower. I never sing in the shower, so don’t try to sneak over to catch me singing in the shower, or for any other reason for that matter.  My shower time is by invitation only. I would lie and say, that I hang a "No Trespassing" sign over my bathroom door, but that isn’t so. Instead, I have a rusty metal pool rule sign over my bathroom door, inviting all to swim at their own risk.

You are probably thinking OMG, what the hell was she thinking when she was attracted to that sign, just look at all that rust.  Just so you know, I was thinking, OMG would you look at that sign, it's freaking awesome, and look at that rust, it will so match my bathroom.  See ....

In all honesty, I’m not always a bathroom loner. The edge of my bathtub was as popular as a two-seater table in your local Starbucks is now, when my second fiancé and I lived together. He would go in there to do his business, but he would never close the door. I took his open door policy as an open door invitation, and would inevitably find myself perched on my bathtub’s edge while he and I talked about everything we found interesting under the sun that day. At some point, he would politely ask me to leave. By that time, I was more than satisfied with our conversation and happy to take my leave ;)


The bathroom was also where my second fiancé and I got engaged. I used to think this choice of place bordered on lame.  I mean, come on, where was the movie romance?  After a lot of bewilderment, I looked back over our time together, and realized that most of our important conversations took place in our bathroom, so why not our engagement.  Eureka, I could finally let that head scratcher go!

Our bathroom was also where we had the conversation that began our one year journey to our relationships ultimate end. I remember cleaning the glass globes on the lighting fixture above the sink, as he talked. I don’t even remember what he said to be honest, but I remember wanting to do anything, anything at all, other than hear what he was saying, so I set about spit shining those glass globes until they gleamed, and then moved on to the gooseneck faucet. By the time that future killing conversation was over, my bathroom, not our bathroom, was sparkling as brightly as the engagement ring I was still wearing.


My second fiancé and I were together longer than many people are married these days. I may tell you our heartbreaking ending some day, but it won't be today.  Who knew my heart would mend? Father Time did, that’s who. Trust me, Father Time was the only one who knew. I think my friends and family were seriously worried about me for a very long time. I think they probably had reason to be. Save any worries you may have for me, because they are no longer required, at least where he is concerned. I have weathered a heartbreak of biblical proportion. It was an undoing that would have completely undone one weaker in spirit, but during and after a grueling bout of seemingly non ending grief, my spirit rallied, and I kept on keeping on. There are still times when I find myself processing the religious implications of our ending. There are some very painful feelings among the ashes of our break up, so I try to leave those buried way down deep and rarely ever speak of that final year or our life together anymore. But for you, maybe one day I will.


Cheer up people, I did not shed one tear writing that, and that is something to be celebrated!!!!! In fact, we should get together and clink crystal! I wasn’t ruminating on any of those memories while I was in the shower, nor was I remembering that the second TRUE LOVE of my life (2LT Mulgrew) and I had some knock down drag outs while sharing space in my bathtub. Thankfully, neither of us had enough room in the bathtub to drown the other. In fact, before it was all over, we gave each other even more room than my bathroom would allow.  Sure, our bathtub debates caused some mighty tinder starting sparks, but those sparks almost always culminated into an explosion of glorious fireworks before the day was out :)  So, there will be no complaining from this side of the shower curtain.

I promise you that none of that was in my mind this morning, I simply wandered off my original path when I started telling you I was in the shower this morning THINKING.


I wasn’t thinking about those two well loved men this morning, but I was thinking about men in general. Well, men in a round-a-bout sort of way. I was thinking how I am just about tired of worrying about how much I weigh, how my hair looks, how I should dig the dirt out from under my fingernails after pulling weeds and spreading mulch, how I need another haircut, how my clothes need to be appealing not only to me, but also to some of you, how many times I have worked out that week, and the list goes on and on ... shave this, pluck that!  My God, do you people realize how many things other people worry over simply because they want others to accept them, to like them, to want them, to love them?


I am happy to report that someone loves me even when I fail to meet their every expectation!!!! Who is that wonderful person?




Why, it's me of course!  I love me in spite of me.


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