Sweet Jesus ... I'm begging you to make me into the kind of person that doesn't want to pelt small children with withered apples. I feel like one of those story book witches who wants to chase down the little "mini thems" and put them in a pot to boil for three steamy hours with 7 green newts, 6 pig snouts, 5 bats wings, 4 black birds, 3 chinny chins, 2 toenails and a partridge in yon pear tree ... whatever the hell a newt is.
Would anyone like two sassy four year olds and an elderly 5 year old? My next door neighbor has loosed his tyrants on the world ... my world to be exact, and I don't have kids just so I can look after his kids. Please God, please Jesus, please Holy Ghost, let my innies behave like my outties.
Meaning being people that I am not a heartless winch, I chat the little "mini thems" up while I walk with casual purpose belying my undercurrent of panic ... when I am reminded that my home is no longer the peaceful sanctuary it once was when said children were too young to hoof it over to my house by themselves. I now know how Mr. Wilson always felt about Dennis the Menace. That man was so misunderstood. I like those "mini thems" well enough, I just prefer that they be seen and not heard from a distance ;) However, I prefer "mini thems" that I have some authority over, instead of the kind that sass me and stand in definance when I ask them not to do something, like hang upside down from my 30 or 40 year old sasanqua Camellia shrub which I care for more than I do about their "right" as a child to be a child. Not only do they continue to bounce on its tender branches, they plummet to the earth nearly impaling themselves on stubs left behind by the landscapers when they cleared the brush. Speaking of which, that was the costly mistake which opened a portal for those little "mini thems" to consistently invade my small slice of now lost paradise. Woe is me .... and be to them, if I catch them in my beloved shrub again.
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P.S. In case you take my pot boiling threat seriously, you should remember that I was mostly chastising them for doing things which would hurt them (and my shrub). For my love of the safety of children and a bit of Mother Nature, all I got was no respect. I feel so Rodney Dangerfield-ish.
ReplyDeletehaha I yelled at little kids to shut up from the balcony last night. it was 11 at night, they should have been sleeping, not locking each other out and screaming like little girls... Well they were little girls.
ReplyDelete@Jay -- Ha Ha is right. Thanks for stopping by to tell me about that! I am taking great comfort in not being alone on this post. I thought yall might throw withered apples at me for even voicing this particular annoyance. Good luck with the neighbors ;)
ReplyDeleteBadly behaved children are the WORST. Even at the ages you describe, a parent's job is to (a) supervise them, (b) instill manners in them and (c) make sure they're not a pest to anybody who doesn't have to love them.
ReplyDeleteI am a parent, btw. And I take my job seriously. I'm not raising a kid. I'm raising a tax-paying, productive member of society who happens to be a kid right now. Good luck, and have you thought about kudzu? Grows fast and is indestructible. :p
Hello Cynthia. I'm so happy to hear you are raising a tax-paying, productive member of society ;) You are my favorite kind of parent! I love thoughtful parents who realize their child may be the apple of their eye, but would resemble the worm in the apple to others, if they didn't raise their children to be considerate, giving, responsible and productive adults. I think too many parents lose sight of the big picture, because they are blinded by "love."
ReplyDeleteP.S. Thanks for the kudzu idea! Don't know why my landscaper didn't think of that ;)
First of all, a newt is a type of lyzzard.
ReplyDeleteAnd kids know (b)wiches when they seem them. If they keep coming back, then you are a good person. Live with it.
@CP -- dang it, they come back every day ;) Guess, I'm nicer than I seem here most times.
ReplyDeleteThe father ended yelling back at me, than I laughed, so he got more upset. But what could he do? I was on the fourth floor of an apartment building.
ReplyDeleteQuit sweating being polite and stock up on the apples. I'll look around for some nwets for ya.
ReplyDelete@Jay -- Your experience with that father yelling at you is the very thing that irritates me about lots of today's parents. Instead of that man apologizing and setting his children straight, he defends his children's inconsiderate behavior. Tsk tsk!
ReplyDelete@IG -- lol ... I might would, but angry parents are worse than grizzly bears when it comes to defending their children!
I'm with you. My neighbor has a hound. If you've ever heard one bark, or whatever, it's abrasive and constant. I almost got out of bed one night and marched over in my pj's to offer to put the animal out of my misery. Neighbors.
ReplyDelete@Elizabeth -- Just wondering how that noise doesn't bother your neighbors (the ones who own the dog). Hmmm ... could it be that masters tune out their dog much like parents tune out children?
ReplyDeleteThe thing that is most annoying is that it is often the parents who are to blame. NO discipline. Kids need discipline. However, someone pointed out to me that sometimes autistic children might seem like behavioral problems when really they can't help their behavior...and the parents can't do much about that. Or kids with ADD/ADHD.
ReplyDelete@Hi Stephanie -- I agree on ALL your points. I am forgiving of children, even those who don't have legitimate reasons for not living up to the average standard because I realize reponsibility lies with the parents. As for those children with issues beyond lack of discipline, I give those children and their parents their due because one of my ex boyfriends had a child with ADHD, and two very good friends have chidren who have been diagosed as BIPOLAR. They are all GREAT parents, who honestly do the very best they can do in a very difficult environment.
ReplyDeleteAs for those parents of children without those extraordinary behavioral issues, who truly are falling down on their jobs, I think there should be some sort taskforce put together to shake the stupidity out of them.